"I decided to look around for something else to worship, something I could really count on. And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that: overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning. Several reasons: first of all, I can see the sun, okay? Yeah, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something – I don't know, kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So every day I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need: heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake – an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us. Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word; treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite. … You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci."
-George Carlin (1999)

I just love this man. He just says it right and while I was so sad to see him go, he'd tell me to stop being such a big baby.

And,

"Reminds me of something my grandfather would say. He'd say, "I'm going upstairs to fuck your grandmother." He was an honest man, and he wasn't going to bullshit a four-year-old."
-George Carlin (1984)

because George Carlin don't bullshit nobody.